In this time and age, how do we single arab women in our thirties feel? How do we think those around us feel? What experiences do we go through, and how do these experiences affect our singlehood? Inspired from personal experience and of those of all the beautifully fabulous Arab Single Ladies out there, I hope this blog reminds us all just how amazing it is to be single! Or is it....?

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Hell of a weekend...

I haven't felt as down as I feel these days, in a very long time.

It isn't about the Italian, as much as it is this feeling of being tired, exhausted, consumed, all the time. I can't talk to my friends. In fact, I have been playing a game of avoidance, all week long. I just have no strength, nor ability, to have conversations.

Messages are easier, they can't sense my tone, or see facial expressions. It is actual conversations that I can't seem to bear. At the same time, I have a constant feeling of feeling guilty towards them. The, being my best friend, my cousin with whom I have been staying for a week now, people at work. I feel guilty because people are being nice to me, and I do like that, I enjoy it.. But I can't be nice back, or talk, or feel better.

The pills I took to quit smoking are probably the reason. I know these are the side effects, and even though it has been 8 days since I stopped them, I still am suffering of the effects.. It'll pass, everything does.

Yesterday, at a social commitment that I couldn't possibly escape, I got stuck in a car with a couple that I know. The woman was being extremely irritating! For starters, she talks non-stop. Her husband was driving, and she was literally giving a continuous stream of driving rules: Take a right, avoid that car, what's that stupid guy doing, give a signal, straighten your back.. I swear, it was non-stop! The husband took it, as naturally as she was giving it. It was obvious that he was so used to it, that he probably didn't notice it anymore. For the entire evening we spent together, the wife was giving the man continuous orders and instructions about this, that or the other.

And I was thinking, this horrible depressing sad thought: How could she be in a relationship, and how could I be single?!!

I know this is an illogical question, and that there are no answers to such questions, nor any comfort that comes from it. I know also, that she probably is a nice woman, and that she deserves to be happy as much as anyone does. I know that I am being childishly selfish and that I am wallowing in self-pity..

There is no 'but' to follow this sentence. I just wanted to state that I know, all of the above.

Am I going to die alone?

1 comment:

  1. None of us can predict the future, so no one can really give an answer to whether or not you're going to die alone.

    Life does not always make sense. Some obnoxious people get partners (not saying that the women you mention is obnoxious), and many really good people get the cold shoulder.

    We sometimes apply our sense of justice and come up with questions like yours: How come that person got someone and I did not?!

    Best thing one can do in my opinion is remain hopeful and cheerful. Worst thing is to become a bitter person who indulges in self-pity all the time. Keep yourself up so that when and if you meet someone who is worthy you can enjoy your relationship with him, without bringing down your relationship with history of despair.