Empowered!

I just got back from the gym, where I had spent an hour playing squash.. Still sweating, I felt I needed to write this, while my adrenaline is still pumping, and my spirits are soaring high.

In this Italian adventure that I am living these days, and in every other previous relationship, I have mostly doubted the intentions of the guys I dated. If someone sends me flowers, surprises me with an unexpected gift, or even is sweet to me, my suspicions arise. Why would they be particularly nice to me? Could it be too good to be true?

I have had several thoughts of 'how can this Italian hunk be into me, when he is in Rome & Milan, surrounded by Italian gorgeous women all day', and 'Why would a fairy tale like the train story happen to me, specifically?'

And today, sweating, and with every single muscle in my body aching, I found out the answer..

When I go to the gym, try to quit smoking, eat healthy, learn a new language, leave my bed and my house and comfort zone and go out and meet people and do things for me, when I do all these things, I am LOVING me. And if I love me, if I really believe that me deserves love, and deserves a quality life-style, and deserves taking care of, then it is easier to accept that someone else would love me. It is easier to actually accept that unless someone loves me, as in falls head over heels, tries to pursue me in every possible way and prove to me that they are worth my 'quality' time, then I don't want them for me. That if that person hurts me in any way, then I will stand up for myself, and will realize that it is not my loss. I love me. I take care of me. 'Me' is worth loving, and worth taking care of.

I have given this speech, one way or another, to so many girlfriends before, and I meant it. Yet, it isn't as easy to give it to myself sometimes. Because I know the faults of this 'me', I see the shortcomings, and the imperfections. But I am telling you ladies, this 'me', and the 'me' inside each and every one of you, is so damn worth loving, and taking care of.

There are days that I just numb myself through by watching 'Grey's Anatomy' back to back, until I can't think straight and fall asleep. There are weekends that I spend entirely in bed, all day long. And I hate these days, I hate the time that is wasted from my life, that is not being spent doing happy things for myself, loving myself, pursuing myself.

So, I wanted to write this down, and capture these moments (these are my diaries after all), and remind myself of how great it makes me feel that I do things for myself, and that I do indeed deserve all the good things that happen in my life. That I am a woman, well worth loving.

And I do hope that one day, another woman would read these words, and realize that the first step to accepting love from someone else, is sweating like crazy :)

Now, I leave you all to go shower before I stink, and dry my hair (even though the thought of stretching my sore hands over my hand sounds like torture right now!) and go out of my house and meet friends, and have a good time, and enjoy life.

After all, my Italian chef said it best: La vita e bellisima!

Have a great weekend everyone!

Where there is a 'cute guy', there is a way!

So, I just got back from a wonderful 2 week vacation that I spent back home. I mainly spent my time with my best friend, but I also got to see my grandmother, some relatives and a lot of friends..



And of course, my Italian met me there, and we had the most amazing 3 days together. There was a lot of talking and getting to know one another, besides the flirting, the delicious food, and the gazing into each other's eyes.. Ah, life is good these days! We also had 'the' talk, and, embrace yourselves, are an exclusive couple now.



I haven't been a part of a couple in a long, long time!



I still am not in love, but who can argue how beautiful it is to wake up in the morning to a sweet good morning message, and the I'm-just-calling-to-check-on-you wonderful calls? Life suddenly becomes a much warmer place, and all the little tiny annoying details of every day magically disappear into thin air..



And so, in the joyful spirit of the moment, I have made a visit to the nutritionist yesterday, and resumed my diet starting today. I have also renewed my gym membership today, and I have decided to quit smoking.



Ok, if you are not a smoker, then you won't understand just how drastic this decision is, for me. I am, unfortunately, a very heavy smoker. I have tried all the arguments in the world, starting from concerns for my health, and ending with just how disgusting my fingers smell, in hopes to convince myself to stop this filthy habit. Yet, I have so far failed at this battle, and have got to a point where I don't want to think about it anymore.



My Italian smokes, but not more than a couple of cigarettes a day. And I found myself embarrassed at the number of cigarettes I smoked while he was around. I am thinking if being motivated by a cute guy and the will to smell nice around him is an objective reason to quit. In other words, would I be doing this, quitting, for me, or for him? And if it isn't an objective reason, and if he ends up being a disappointment as a lot before him were, would it be a loss to have quit smoking for the wrong reaosn then, or would the reason not matter anymore once I am nicotine-free?

God, women are complicated!



Of course, I am aware that my will power isn't strong enough for me to blow out the cigarette I am smoking right now, but, I am starting a quit-smoking medication tomorrow, and man or no man, I should be smoke free in the next 12 weeks.



If I am grumpy, or if you find this blog suddenly bombarded by depressing, grumpy posts, do support me in this upcoming battle and remind me of the beautiful scents of shampooed hair and washed bedsheets!



So, thr journey starts tomorrow, wish me luck!

Back from vacation!

I was on a long vacation back home, (and yes, my Italian hunk met me there!) and just got back.. Boy, do I have stories to tell! In the next few days, and after I catch up on my sleep after the last few very long nights, I will be back here to tell more..

Meanwhile, I have created a facebook page for this blog

https://www.facebook.com/Single.Arab.Woman

And a Twitter name @ArabWomanDiary

Talk to all of you gorgeous ladies soon!