I haven't mentioned a lot about the Italian chef, lately, on purpose. The reason being that I don't want to think about it myself. Of course, I am a continuously-thinking creature, and it didn't really help not writing about it..
The Italian is very much a gentleman. He knows what to say, how to say it and when to say it. I can be silly around him, and I can also talk to him about the things that really matter to me. All in all, I believe that we can and are connecting on some important levels.
Having said that, he is a very busy man. He in in Rome one day, Milan the next, Prague for a few days, Paris for a week, and is always on the run. These are all fabulous places, but in reality, I am here, and he is not. Regardless of where he is.
That's point number one.
In all fairness, when we last met back home, he had opened up about how he wants to make a family, and that he wants to have 3 kids, and how he feels that is weird since he is already 42 years old. He did say that he knows he is always busy, in an exceptional way, and that he barely has time for anything in his life aside from work.
So maybe he does think about it. Or maybe it's a line men use when they want to woo a woman into a relationship?
I try to be as pleasant as I can be, especially that it is one of my resolutions this year to do whatever it takes for me to be happy, FOR ME. And so I keep myself busy, doing things I enjoy or that are good for me. Last week, the Italian and I did not get to talk the whole day, because of his very busy schedule again, and in order to be pleasant, the only thing I did was send a simple 'good night' message before I went to bed. Usually, the messages are sweeter and with smileys. And to express my annoyance, I decided to deprive him of the smiley that night.
The next morning, he sent me a good morning poem, and he asked me to skype, for the first time. And so we started skyping, and he calls me every day, for a few minutes, to catch up and talk about our day.
Which is very sweet.
Then comes another day like yesterday, where he again disappears the whole day (and in fairness he did tell me he was going to be busy) and my alarm bells go off again.
Do I want a long distance relationship?
It is not ideal, and I can't enjoy the little every day details. It's not like we can spontaneously decide to go watch a movie or grab a bite! A part of me wants to decide that I can't do this, that it is difficult, and that I will never ever survive him disappearing on me (I And I will get back to this in a while).
And another part says: Are you crazy? Here is a guy who meets you on a train in the most romantic city of the world, and decides to pursue you and follow you to the other end of the world, and you want to say no to that?! Stupid! (Or stupida, I learnt that in my Italian class!)
I wish I was a man sometimes, in the way they can so easily switch off their thoughts sometimes!
Anyway, every time I get stuck in these thoughts, I end the 'conversation' by telling myself that I don't have to take a decision right now, that maybe I should just allow time to pass, and see where this will lead to. And when I talk to him and see his smile, I am happy with that decision, and think it's a good one.