So, I just got back from a wonderful 2 week vacation that I spent back home. I mainly spent my time with my best friend, but I also got to see my grandmother, some relatives and a lot of friends..
And of course, my Italian met me there, and we had the most amazing 3 days together. There was a lot of talking and getting to know one another, besides the flirting, the delicious food, and the gazing into each other's eyes.. Ah, life is good these days! We also had 'the' talk, and, embrace yourselves, are an exclusive couple now.
I haven't been a part of a couple in a long, long time!
I still am not in love, but who can argue how beautiful it is to wake up in the morning to a sweet good morning message, and the I'm-just-calling-to-check-on-you wonderful calls? Life suddenly becomes a much warmer place, and all the little tiny annoying details of every day magically disappear into thin air..
And so, in the joyful spirit of the moment, I have made a visit to the nutritionist yesterday, and resumed my diet starting today. I have also renewed my gym membership today, and I have decided to quit smoking.
Ok, if you are not a smoker, then you won't understand just how drastic this decision is, for me. I am, unfortunately, a very heavy smoker. I have tried all the arguments in the world, starting from concerns for my health, and ending with just how disgusting my fingers smell, in hopes to convince myself to stop this filthy habit. Yet, I have so far failed at this battle, and have got to a point where I don't want to think about it anymore.
My Italian smokes, but not more than a couple of cigarettes a day. And I found myself embarrassed at the number of cigarettes I smoked while he was around. I am thinking if being motivated by a cute guy and the will to smell nice around him is an objective reason to quit. In other words, would I be doing this, quitting, for me, or for him? And if it isn't an objective reason, and if he ends up being a disappointment as a lot before him were, would it be a loss to have quit smoking for the wrong reaosn then, or would the reason not matter anymore once I am nicotine-free?
God, women are complicated!
Of course, I am aware that my will power isn't strong enough for me to blow out the cigarette I am smoking right now, but, I am starting a quit-smoking medication tomorrow, and man or no man, I should be smoke free in the next 12 weeks.
If I am grumpy, or if you find this blog suddenly bombarded by depressing, grumpy posts, do support me in this upcoming battle and remind me of the beautiful scents of shampooed hair and washed bedsheets!
So, thr journey starts tomorrow, wish me luck!
What actually caught my attention is when you said “I still am not in love…” cause I did feel the same way while being in a previous relationship. I was enjoying the attention, the being part of a couple state, etc…. but whenever I stop to ask myself if I was actually feeling anything “extra special” towards the guy? the answer was not really!
ReplyDeleteI was enjoying his company of course. I mean he is sweet, funny and witty but don’t I feel the same way towards my friends??!
Then with time I realized I can be very good friends with this person but nothing more…
I sincerely hope you’re in a much better situation; my point is just stay aware of your feelings and keep on asking yourself those questions and most important of all just be so honest with him, let him know where you’re standing right now and in the future.
Best of luck in your quitting smoking journey, make sure you're doing it for all the right reasons :-)
Hi Mais! Loved your comment, as usual :)
ReplyDeleteYour comment made me think: do we really believe in love at first sight? I know I don't, at least not anymore. Probably because I have seen so much and have been through so much, that I feel I need to really trust the guy before I let my guards down around him, and allow myself to feel anything for him.. So, yes, I don't love him yet.. And I don't know if I will, or not.
Yet, when I put it this way, I feel that I am too damaged to enjoy it. What if I don't ever allow myself to fall in love again?
I guess my fears are surfacing again.. Like my best friend and I always say: if only there was a manual! A step by step guide! Wouldn't life have been a lot easier for everyone then!