Why have I stopped? I sometimes think that writing can be a bit too real. I mean, listing down your feelings, facing them and analyzing them, deciding how to label a certain situation, because your writing will always lead the conversation into a certain direction.. This all had made me believe that it is somehow difficult, especially on the not so good days.
On the other hand, there are the disappointments sometimes. You start a story, you know, like ‘The Good Story’ and then it is over, in a way that derives it from all meaning it ever had, and that is normal, I suppose. That is how life is, like it or not (Ah, the wisdom of being 33!) But still, you don’t want to read, (and in my case re-read and re-read and RE-READ the story, the hopes, the prayers, a million times!)
Then, there are the good times, in fairness. The good times that are so drunkenly good that it seems you don’t want to turn your attention from, for a single moment. You want to be there, in that moment, and everything else just falls in the background. You have no time to even share the good news, or write, or even contemplate. You just want to keep going- and never ever stop.
But I have always wanted to write, I wanted to express the person I am, and I have always been best doing so in writing. I like telling stories, and listening to them, and analyzing them, and thinking of different scenarios. And it is time for more stories, God knows it is.
I am in love.
Simply put, and straight to the point. I am a woman in love, and for that life seems to be a much nicer place these days. Love balances me, and holds me still- in a good way, and pushes me forward, in even a better way. I am in love.
What is the difference, then, between being in a relationship, and being single? Do we stop being who we are? Do our insecurities become less obvious, and do you share them, all of them, with the person you love?
I must say that I am blessed with being in love with a reasonable man. A man, who looks at me, and I kid you not, from that one look, he can know exactly what is in my head. That truly is a blessing, because I am unable to hide anything from him, even if I ever wanted to do so.
But I do still have my insecurities. I think that it is not about sharing them or not, but it is more of whether I want to think about them, or not. Because most of the times, I don’t want to think about them, myself.
Well, this is a start, or rather, a re-start. I have had a good 22 months away. I have quit smoking a little over a year ago, I have lost all the weight I wanted to lose. I have travelled more, read more, got to know myself more. I have met an amazing man, and for the first time in my life, celebrated a one year anniversary, in a real relationship. Like grown ups. Honest to God.
And here I am again, ready to share my diaries, again.